Twiddle (Thumbs)

My life usually feels like the tea cups ride at Disney World, spinning out of control, with the threat of other flying objects nearby almost crashing into me ever present.

Though it leaves me in a perpetual state of exhaustion, I like life this way. When I asked how I manage to do all the things I currently do, the answer is simple. I am a crazy person.I am the most productive when I have too much to do and deadlines that are rushing up at me like the ground after a parachute jump.

So when at last I finish big projects the world comes to a screeching halt. The stillness is eerie, making me wonder what I'm forgetting, what I might have overlooked.

But for now it's done. Of course, there's always more creeping over the horizon. That next book to write, the grant proposal to outline, the emails to answer, the papers to grade. But the big projects, those swinging pendulums rocking their vicious blades down towards me, those are done.

So this current sense of accomplishment should be a relief, right? Instead I feel like I've been set adrift. The world has stopped spinning, but I'm still dizzy. I'd like to shake this sense of bewilderment and find a way to appreciate this calm before the next storm.