Years

When asked to recite a favorite quotation, mine is always the same: "There are years that ask questions and years that answer." - Zora Neale Hurston

On a day that stands in history as a marker of both tragedy and courage, like many I'm inclined to spend some time reflecting on the last decade. Rather than make assertions about global or national states of affairs, my thoughts today are about individual experience.

2001 was a bad year in my life. I was in the middle of a three-year stint working in Indianapolis, and my mind and heart were stagnating at work. Since my teens I've struggled with chronic depression and in the second half of 2001 that condition overwhelmed all aspects of my life. I took a leave of absence from work and went home to reassess my life and try to find the sense of purpose I'd lost. From that place of emotional struggle came some of the best decisions I've made. I realized that my passion for learning needed further attention and I determined to return to school full-time in pursuit of a doctorate. I learned that depression isn't something that can be ignored, but requires healing and vigilant self care.

In 2002 I applied to graduate programs. In 2003 I moved to Minneapolis and started work on my Ph.D. Four years later I finished my degree and began a fantastic job teaching history at Macalester College in St. Paul.

But the story of finding a path to my true passions and goals didn't end there. After one year of teaching at Macalester, in early summer of 2008, I was in a horseback riding accident that left me with a broken foot and orders to stay off my feet for twelve weeks. Stuck in my house and on the couch, I decided to pursue a long-delayed dream: writing a novel.

The next summer my fabulous agents at InkWell sold my debut novel NIGHTSHADE to Penguin.

After 9/11 it felt like the world was ending, and for most of 2001 I'd felt like my own life was in ruins too. But life is always unfolding. Years to come will have answers...and there will be more questions...which brings to mind another favorite quote:

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

Voice, Silence, History

Last night I had the pleasure of taking a group of students to see Jump at the Sun. A one-woman performance based on the life of Zora Neale Hurston. The piece is part of a Federal Writers' project education outreach program in partnership with the St. Paul Public Libraries and was performed at Central High School in St. Paul by the phenomenal actress, Regina Williams.

While narrating the trials and triumphs of Neale Hurston, it's also the poignant biography of a writer's life. The love, the work, the pain.

Sweat, sweat, sweat! Work and sweat, cry and sweat, pray and sweat!

The play's title, Jump at the Sun, comes from something Hurston's mother told her when she was a child.

Jump at the sun, baby
Jump at the sun
You may not land at the sun
But if you jump you'll get off the ground

Jump is the story of a woman who created despite incredible odds - it's about the way life and truth weave into our stories. As she said "in the end, writers always get even."

Hurston's work was panned by many (mostly white and male) literati of her age; even her male peers in the Harlem Renaissance harshly critiqued her work. Despite her extraordinary craft, Hurston died in poverty in 1960 and was buried in an unmarked grave.

I first read Their Eyes Were Watching God in AP English, my senior year of high school (hi Mrs. Heisler!!! Thanks for everything!)

Hearing passages from this book last night brought tears to my eyes, reminding me of her incredible gift for language.

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.

I have been in Sorrow's kitchen and licked out all the pots. Then I have stood on the peaky mountain wrapped in rainbows, with a harp and sword in my hands.

What I truly loved about this performance was that it was targeted at high school students. They filled the black box theater, enraptured by the skill of the actress and the power of her words, Hurston's words. I hope they all left filled by that same electric buzz that pulsed through my veins - something I experience when I've been touched by humanity at its best. And I hope they all believed more in themselves because of her:

Those that don't got it, can't show it. Those that got it, can't hide it.

And just in case you were wondering - yes, Their Eyes Were Watching God is a banned book.